The snow has melted (or if you're from Colorado, keeps falling!), the flowers are blooming,
summer is just around the corner and love is in the air! All of this adds up to
the fact that wedding season is officially upon us. Nowadays, weddings come in
all shapes and sizes and traditional wedding etiquette certainly does not
always apply. Here are some basic guidelines that should help you navigate
through the season, no matter how formal or informal the event may be.
RSVPs
Be sure to ‘respondez s’il vous plait’ by the date requested
on the invitation. The bride and groom need to know how many guests will be
attending their wedding in order to plan for seating, food etc. While it is
considered bad manners to respond after the RSVP date, it’s even worse to show
up at a wedding after having not replied at all. Never assume the couple
already knows whether you are attending or not.
(Clear direction is given for RSVP.)
Plus 1
The envelope for the invitation will indicate if you are
allowed to bring a guest. If there is no indication of a reserved spot for your
plus one, assume that you cannot bring anyone. This includes leaving your
children at home. Because the responsible parties have to pay by the head, they
may not be able to afford to invite extra people. It is also considered bad
manners to ask the couple if you can bring a plus one; a lot of people are too
nice to say no when directly asked so please don’t put your friends/family in
this awkward position.
(Here the outside of the envelope states to whom the invitation adheres to.)
What to wear?
The big question! A good rule of thumb is to ‘dress like the
invitation.’ If the invitation has a casual and light-hearted aesthetic,
chances are you can dress that way as well. Likewise, if the invitation is
formal and fancy, your attire should match that. Also keep in mind the location
and what time of day and year the wedding is. If it is an outdoor, summer wedding,
a whimsical colorful dress if probably appropriate. Be sure to pick something
that is not too sexy, you should dress quite modestly for attending a wedding.
Everyone knows that white is not appropriate, so steer clear of it. Many say
black is not okay either and some cultures consider it a sign of your
disapproval. That aside, I say go for it so long as you don’t look like your
getting ready to attend your great aunt B’s funeral or for an audition to join
the Addams family. Gentlemen have it a bit easier, lighter colored suits for
morning and afternoon weddings, darker colors for evening.
(Here's a good looking group that clearly demonstrates good taste in wedding apparel.)
Gifts
When it comes to buying gifts, it is usually best to stick
to the registry. While it can be fun to go out and buy your own unique gift for
the bride and groom, they put the things on the registry for a reason. Of
course it is not a requirement to use their registry when buying a gift, it is
strongly suggested though. Feel free to go in on a gift with a few people that
are also attending the wedding. Couples typically add a few larger ticket items
with the expectation that this may happen. Lingerie gifts should be saved for
the bachelorette or lingerie party solely. If you must decline the invitation,
it is proper etiquette to still send a gift. It is understood that some people
simply cannot afford to send a gift; if this is the case you should still at
least send a congratulatory card to recognize the couples union and thank them
for thinking of you when it came to the guest list.
(The all telling purple and white box of a Bed, Bath and Beyond gift.)
General Behavior Guidelines
You would think that this is a given, but you’d be surprised
at how many people don’t know how important it is to show up on time! It is
incredibly rude to show up late to a wedding. If you for some reason must show
up late, skip the ceremony. You’re not supposed to be walking down the aisle
with the bride and entering once the ceremony has begun can be quite a
distraction for everyone.
It is considered rude to be taking pictures during the
wedding ceremony. Let the hired photographer take care of photos during the
ceremony. This especially applies to indoor spaces with low lighting that
requires flash photography. Snap away during the reception, just check with the
bride and groom to make sure it’s okay to post them online before they have a
chance to post pictures of their own wedding.
Be sure to be social and introduce yourself to other guests.
If you were assigned seating for dinner, be sure to sit in the seat you were
assigned and get to know the people at your table if you don’t already. Be sure
to be respectful and quiet during speeches and announcements (no matter how
long and drawn out they can be, speaking in front of any kind of audience is
nerve wracking enough). If there is a DJ, the bride and groom have most likely
provided him/her with a play list; this isn’t your party and isn’t your time to
request songs, unless of course the DJ has asked for special requests. In that
case, make sure to keep your song choices classy and appropriate. No one wants
to listen to sad, slow break up songs at a wedding and parents will certainly
not appreciate their children being exposed to curse word laden or
inappropriate subject matter songs.
If there is drinking at the wedding, keep your alcohol
consumption to a classy, healthy medium. Nobody wants to take care of a drunk
person at a wedding (or ever really…). Don’t forget that there will be a
photographer and/or videographer there to capture your not so flattering
moments on film.
A traditional but still relevant rule is ‘don’t leave before
the cake is cut.’ After the cake has been cut, you can leave as you please.
Before taking off, try to thank the parents of the bride and groom as well as
congratulate and thank the bride and groom. While you certainly don’t want to
leave too early, you don’t want to be the guest that has to be forced off the
dance floor or peeled away from the bar at the end of the night either. Many
wedding locations have very strict rules about when guests need to be off the
premises and they charge for going over that pre-set time limit.
(Have fun, let loose!! Just do it all in good taste.)
I’m sure this doesn’t cover everything, but I hope it gives
you a good head start to covering the basics of etiquette when a wedding guest
this upcoming wedding season. Feel free to leave a post in the comments section
if you think of something I missed or you have a question.
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